Kerrying On

Rock Stars Still Sleep in Buses—and Other Graduation Thoughts

This week my wife and I attended a graduation exercise. I’d rate it just below running naked through an apiary. Don’t get me wrong, the music was lovely. The student speakers were refreshing and on point. But the adult speakers . . . whew. It’s hard enough to listen to hundreds of names of total strangers being read aloud—by other total strangers—but to throw in speeches that were positively sleep-inducing—it wasn’t fair. And I wasn’t the only one who grew bored. Two minutes into the first non-student speech and, I’m ashamed to say, hundreds of crass audience members turned to their phones for entertainment. They merrily played games as the speakers plowed on. It was embarrassing. It was rude. I racked up my highest Tetris score ever.

I mentioned my frustration with graduation speeches to a former university president and he explained that speakers who are brought in from the outside are rarely selected for Finish reading