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May 17, 2006
Volume 4 Issue 19Previous Issues
IN THIS ISSUE
  • Crucial Tip
  • Q&A: Time Management
  • Letters to the Editor
  • Where Can I Learn More?
  • Contact Us
  • CRUCIAL TIP

    Using Discipline

    When you’ve tried to motivate others using natural consequences and they just don’t seem to care or want to change, you sometimes have to move from communicating to imposing consequences (discipline). As you do, keep the following guidelines in mind:

    Know the Mechanics. Every organization has (or should have) its own discipline steps and policies. Study them carefully. If you fail to follow procedure, your efforts may be thrown out when reviewed—undermining your credibility.

    Explain Next Steps. Explaining the next level of consequence informs and motivates. It also helps eliminate surprises—“Nobody said I was going to be fired!”

    Be Consistent. Don’t play favorites. When discipline falls under review, the first thing that third parties examine is equity. Did the person get fair treatment? Don’t single people out.

    WHERE CAN I LEARN MORE?
    Crucial Conversations
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    “The basic building block of good communications is the feeling that every human being is unique and of value.”
    - Unknown

    Time Management

    About the Author


    Joseph Grenny is coauthor of the New York Times bestseller, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.more

    Dear Authors,

    The department that I work in has recently hired a new manager. He sent out his first big change this week. He has decided that everyone in my position should now work 8:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m. as our standard working hours. For the last fifteen years people in the department have been able to choose their standard working hours between 7:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. We are salaried employees and have not been expected to follow a clock, but rather to get results. If an issue arises that requires us to stay late we do.

    The manager feels that we should be able to be reached between 4:00 and 5:00 p.m. if needed. We already have some people in the department at that time—but he wants us all on this schedule.

    Many in my department have children, so this is a major change to them. Some will have to find new day care, some can't keep their current position due to the change, and everyone feels a benefit was taken away. In addition, some of our customers come in at 7:00 a.m., and this new change would make us less likely to be here for them.

    The bottom line is that this has caused a huge morale issue in the group. We now feel that the manager cannot be trusted and that our opinions do not count.

    I want to be able to do my job and not alienate my new manager; however, most of my department is completely against him now. 

    Any advice for me and my coworkers?

    Signed,
    Time Change



    Dear Time Change,

    If you want influence with your new boss, the best way to get it is with your ears.

    The first thing a new boss worries about is establishing respect with his or her people. If right out of the chute your boss gets signals that the group disagrees with his first big decision, he will feel unsafe and unsupported, and will likely get entrenched in his position.

    Dean Rusk once said, “The best way to influence others is with your ears, by listening.”

    Here’s what I suggest you do.

    1. Explore the purposes behind the policy. Make an appointment with your new boss at a time that is relaxed and convenient for him. Let him know that the new decision is creating some discomfort for you and others, but that you realize you’re probably just thinking about your own interests and that you want to be sure you understand all that’s behind this decision. Then listen! Ask lots of questions. Explore all the reasons this plan makes perfect sense. If you do this well, you’ll come to appreciate how a reasonable, rational, and decent person could advocate such a policy—even if you disagree with it.

    One of the signs that you and your colleagues need to go on a listening campaign is the story you’re telling yourselves about your manager. You commented that “We now feel that he cannot be trusted and that our opinions do not count.” This is not your manager’s problem, this is yours. A boss making a decision to improve customer service does not automatically mean he is untrustworthy. The fact that he makes a decision you don’t like does not mean your opinions don’t count. I suspect that if you listen deeply to your manager, you’ll find he’s got legitimate reasons for what he’s done. You may also find that his failure to involve you more in the decision has legitimate reasons. Have you ever avoided involving someone whom you were confident would be hostile and judgmental?

    2. Commit to seek Mutual Purpose. Next, ask your boss if he is open to other approaches that fully satisfy his and your customers' needs but still preserve the flexibility you and your team have come to value and need. Don’t propose a new solution before getting his commitment to some dialogue. This is an important step. If you launch into solutions without letting him “Commit to Seek Mutual Purpose,” you may be talking to a closed door. Simply ask, “May I have your support in taking this list of objectives back to our team and seeing if we can accomplish all of them while maintaining some schedule flexibility?”

    Here’s a warning. When you ask this question, your boss is likely to begin adding things to the list. Let him. When he knows that he is making a commitment, he will begin to think of interests or needs that he might not have been conscious of before. For example, he may say, “You know, now that we’re talking about this I realize that this is also about me having access to the people I need when I need them. I’m here 8:00-5:00 and don’t want to have a bigger hassle in connecting with people.” Let him do this. If this is what is motivating the policy he announced, then you’d better deal with it.

    3. Make it motivating. If he seems reluctant to allow for other policy solutions, you’ll need to drop back a few steps and make it motivating. This is a tricky part of a Crucial Conversation. You must help him see the natural consequences of proceeding with the plan you disagree with—but do so in a way that is not threatening.

    You might say, for example, “Having worked here a while I have some thoughts about likely downsides to moving ahead as planned. I’d be willing to share those with you if you would like to hear them. If not, then I’ll do my best to help make the current plans work.” This kind of a statement helps him see your opposition not as disloyalty, but as a deeper kind of loyalty. If he gives you permission to continue, you can then talk about why this will affect morale, turnover, customer service, etc. Be sure not to stack the deck in favor of your position. Where there are “upsides” to the policy, acknowledge them. Where there are downsides to your preferred approach, point those out, too. Honest dialogue is much more persuasive than manipulative monologue.

    4. Involve others. If your boss agrees to look at other options, ask for some time to involve others. This is a great opportunity to build safety for your boss as well as to help others see the positive and legitimate intentions behind the current policy change. Engage them in developing solutions that satisfy all interests and consider including some of them in presenting your best thinking to the boss.

    If you handle this right, this crucial conversation can actually increase your influence with your boss. Not only will you contribute to solving the immediate problem, you’ll be off to a great start in creating a healthy working relationship.

    Best of luck,
    Joseph

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    Re: “Unresponsive Spouse” (April 5, 2006)

    Your article and advice is good, but I thought there was something missing. I agree that the one spouse trying to communicate should not do so to change the other person. What I did not see was a statement that the other spouse may have deep-seated emotional issues requiring professional help. I often remind friends and coworkers that although we study information such as yours and attempt to apply the techniques and principles, we are not psychologists. The other spouse has to be emotionally healthy and desire communication or there will be no positive results.  

    Thank you,
    Gary W.

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    Re: “Survey Results: Weight Issues” (May 3, 2006)

    I did not take the survey myself because I am not a parent. However, when I looked at the results in today's newsletter, it seemed to me that you had left out a very important possible response: "I would feel like a hypocrite because I am overweight myself." Given the rate of obesity in America , that answer is very likely true for many of the respondents. Surely feeling hypocritical has to raise the emotional charge of any crucial conversation.

     Lois B.

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    Re: “Unfair Compensation” (May 3, 2006)

    I was just wondering about the formal education of the underpaid individual. I worked at a company where a manager worked very hard to get programmers on the same job level and pay scale as engineers. One of the items that he agreed to was that all programmers had to have a four-year college degree because all engineers had to have a four-year degree.

    A position opened up where an internal candidate had the skills and knowledge to take on the position immediately—no training necessary. But she was refused the position (a promotion for her) because she lacked a four-year degree. Another internal candidate, without the skills and knowledge, was given the position because she had the formal college education. The second candidate did have to attend specific training to gain the skills and knowledge.

    Thanks,
    Jan C.

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    Re: "Crucial Tip: Avoid Groundhog Day" (May 10, 2006)

    To the Authors:

    Thank you so much for sharing so freely from your Crucial Conversations skills. You've helped me recognize mistakes that I didn't even realize I was making. Other times I knew I was communicating poorly because of the results I was getting but I did not know how to do it better. Changing some of my old attitudes has been a bit like pulling teeth but the more I read your stories, the easier it gets. What a funny thought—I didn't realize I was stuck in Groundhog Day! Thanks for the escape route from that nightmare.

    Sincerely,
    Sharon T.

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