STYLE UNDER STRESS

This 33-question assessment allows you to see how you respond in crucial conversations in a specific relationship. The results indicate your natural tendencies to move toward silence or violence as well as the dialogue skills or tools you use well or need improvement in.

The following questions explore how you typically respond when you’re in the middle of a stressful situation. Instructions: Relationship. Before you get started, think about the relationship you want to explore—with your boss, a coworker, a direct report, a friend, or family member—keep this relationship in mind. Circumstance. Next, think of a tough circumstance—one where you might slip into either silence or violence. Apply. Now, with that relationship and circumstance in mind, respond to the following statements as either true or false. TrueFalse 1. At times I avoid situations that might bring me into contact with people I’m having problems with. TrueFalse 2. I have put off returning phone calls or e-mails because I simply didn’t want to deal with the person who sent them. TrueFalse 3. Sometimes when people bring up a touchy or awkward issue I try to change the subject. TrueFalse 4. When it comes to dealing with awkward or stressful subjects, sometimes I hold back rather than give my full and candid opinion. TrueFalse 5. Rather than tell people exactly what I think, sometimes I rely on jokes, sarcasm, or snide remarks to let them know I’m frustrated. TrueFalse 6. When I’ve got something tough to bring up, sometimes I offer weak or insincere compliments to soften the blow. TrueFalse 7. In order to get my point across, I sometimes exaggerate my side of the argument. TrueFalse 8. If I seem to be losing control of a conversation, I might cut people off or change the subject in order to bring it back to where I think it should be. TrueFalse 9. When others make points that seem stupid to me, I sometimes let them know it without holding back at all. TrueFalse 10. When I’m stunned by a comment, sometimes I say things that others might take as forceful or attacking—terms such as “Give me a break!” or “That’s ridiculous!” TrueFalse 11. Sometimes when things get a bit heated I move from arguing against others’ points to saying things that might hurt them personally. TrueFalse 12. If I really get into a heated discussion, I’ve been known to be tough on the other person. In fact, they might even feel a bit insulted or hurt. TrueFalse 13. When I’m discussing an important topic with others, sometimes I move from trying to make my point to trying to win the battle. TrueFalse 14. In the middle of a tough conversation, I often get so caught up in arguments that I miss how I’m coming across to others. TrueFalse 15. When talking gets tough and I do something hurtful, I’m quick to apologize for my mistakes. TrueFalse 16. When I think about a conversation that took a bad turn, I tend to focus first on what I did that was wrong rather than focus on others’ mistakes. TrueFalse 17. When I’ve got something to say that others might not want to hear, I avoid starting out with tough conclusions, and instead start with facts that help them understand where I’m coming from. TrueFalse 18. I can tell very quickly when others are holding back or feeling defensive in a conversation. TrueFalse 19. Sometimes I decide that it’s better not to give harsh feedback because I know that it’s bound to cause real problems. TrueFalse 20. When conversations aren’t working, I step back from the fray, think about what’s happening, and take steps to make it better. TrueFalse 21. When others get defensive because they misunderstand me, I immediately get us back on track by clarifying what I do and don’t mean. TrueFalse 22. There are some people I’m rough on because, to be honest, they need or deserve what I give them. TrueFalse 23. I sometimes make absolute statements like “The fact is…” or “It’s obvious that…” to be sure my point gets across. TrueFalse 24. If others hesitate to share their views, I sincerely invite them to say what’s on their mind, no matter what it is. TrueFalse 25. At times I argue hard for my view hoping to keep others from bringing up opinions that would be a waste of energy to discuss anyway. TrueFalse 26. Even when things get tense, I adapt quickly to how others are responding to me and try a new strategy. TrueFalse 27. When I find that I’m at cross purposes with someone, I often keep trying to win my way rather than looking for common ground. TrueFalse 28. When things don’t go well, I’m more inclined to see the mistakes others made than notice my own role. TrueFalse 29. After I share strong opinions, I go out of my way to invite others to share their views, particularly opposing ones. TrueFalse 30. When others hesitate to share their views, I do whatever I can to make it safe for them to speak honestly. TrueFalse 31. Sometimes I have to discuss things I thought had been settled because I don't keep track of what was discussed before. TrueFalse 32. I find myself in situations where people get their feelings hurt because they thought they would have more of a say in final decisions than they end up having. TrueFalse 33. I get frustrated sometimes at how long it takes some groups to make decisions because too many people are involved. To have your Style Under Stress TestTM automatically scored and learn of your strengths and areas for improvement, hit the "Submit" button.