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CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS(R) REMINDER
October 13, 2004
Volume 2, Issue 39
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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote of the Week
2. Let’s Talk Politics--or Not?
3. Your Stories on National TV!
4. Q&A: The Boss Is a Bully
5. Send Your Questions
6. Where Can I Learn More?

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1. Quote of the Week
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“Oppression can only survive through silence.”

- Carmen de Monteflores

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2. Let’s Talk Politics--or Not?
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It’s the season for heated discussions about which candidate, which issue, and when to vote. We want to know how you handle these discussions with friends, family members, neighbors, and coworkers. Do you clam up? Walk away? Resort to violence?

Share your views in our 10-question “Let’s Talk Politics--or Not?” assessment found at http://www.keysurvey.com/survey/39673/1442/. Your vote counts. Really!

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3. Your Stories on National TV!
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Would you like a chance to tell your crucial conversations success story on National TV?

Tell us how crucial conversation skills have changed YOUR life in a dramatic way (e.g., turned your job around, saved your marriage, helped you connect with a wayward child). The more information you are able to provide, the better your chances are of being selected to tell your story on national TV!
Please e-mail your story and contact information (name, phone, e-mail) to press@vitalsmarts.com

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4. Q&A: The Boss Is a Bully
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Dear Crucial Conversations,

My boss is out of control. He fabricates facts to support his personal agenda. He applies or ignores corporate policies at his whim. He makes blatant displays of favoritism--punishing some employees severely while overlooking others who do the exact same thing. He accuses employees falsely, and then creates evidence if needed to support his claims.

He has taken the Crucial Conversations class and uses it as a means of attack. He starts with "This is a crucial conversation," and then follows with a litany of insults and accusations, omitting any attempt to make things feel safe.

Our institution has no sanctioned course of action where a supervisor can present a complaint. Several have gone to his superior and gotten nowhere. How can we use Crucial Conversations skills to better remedy a situation where honesty and truth are considered a secondary priority?

Signed,

Nearly Hopeless

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Answer by Joseph Grenny, coauthor of "Crucial Conversations."

Dear Nearly Hopeless,

Sounds like the crucial conversation you need to have is with yourself. The best service you could offer to yourself is to find a different job. And the best service you could offer to your organization is to hold a very candid exit interview once you’ve lined up the next job. Unfortunately, weakness at crucial conversations is not confined to direct reports. Bosses are just as inclined to avoid them at all costs.

Now, I’m making two important assumptions--but provided my assumptions are correct, the primary problem here is that your boss’s superior is AWOL from his or her job. When an employee takes the enormous risk of giving skip-level feedback (i.e., going over her boss’s head to share concerns about her boss), the manager has a special obligation to protect the employee and to respond vigorously to the concerns. Clearly that has failed here. Now, in fairness, I need to share the big assumptions I’m making. I’m assuming that:

1. You and others have made a skillful attempt to give your boss feedback about his chronic untrustworthiness.

2. You and others have been skillful in how you communicated your concerns to your boss’s boss.

If you’ve done reasonably well at both of these, then you have--in my opinion--discharged your conscience marvelously and are left only with the obligation to move yourself to a healthy work situation. I know that can be a tough decision to implement, but it should be a fairly easy one to make. As long as you stay where you are you are enabling your boss’s bad behavior by robbing him of the natural consequences of it. The natural consequence of bad leadership is the loss of good talent. But even more important, you are falling short of your obligation to place yourself in environments where you can flourish and serve best.

I wish you the best in both creating better circumstances and positively influencing your current boss through the change.

Best regards,

Joseph

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For more on deciding what issue to discuss and if you should discuss it, see Chapter 1 (Choose WHAT and IF) of the book “Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior.”

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5. Send Your Questions
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Submit your question to the authors of "Crucial Conversations" at www.vitalsmarts.com/CrucialSkills/FreeStuff/AskAnAuthor/
Or e-mail it to questions@vitalsmarts.com.

We do our best to answer those questions that reflect the interests of our readers. For more about the authors of "Crucial Conversations," visit www.crucialconversations.com.

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6. Where Can I Learn More?
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Web Seminars
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Join the authors of "Crucial Conversations" in a free web seminar as follows:

- Oct 27, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)
- Nov 18, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)
- Dec 08, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)

Special Author Events
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Don’t miss your opportunity to learn more about Crucial Confrontations by attending a special author event where one of the authors will teach you to handle crucial confrontations well and get the results you want.

For details about each author event and to register online, visit www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Introductory%20Workshop

Events now scheduled in the following cities

- October 22, Denver, CO
- November 5, San Diego, CA
- November 5, Columbus, OH
- November 16, Knoxville, TN
- November 16, Seattle, WA
- November 18, Irvine, CA
- November 19, Orlando, FL
- December 2, Cleveland, OH
- December 7, Austin, TX
- January 13, San Antonio, TX
- January 19, Eugene, OR

Open Enrollment Training
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The Crucial Conversations Training offers intensive skills training in our principles and methods. For in-house training conducted by your staff or one of our professional facilitators, contact your VitalSmarts representative. Open enrollment courses are also available as follows:

- October 19-20, Washington, D.C.*
- October 26-27, Columbus, OH*
- November 16-17, Fort Worth, TX*
- November 16-17, Salt Lake City, UT*
- November 16-17, Troy, MI*
- November 30-Dec.1, Greenwood Village, CO*
- November 30-Dec.1, Austin, TX*
- December 7-8, Irvine, CA*
- December 7-8, Chicago, IL*

Additional course dates for 2004 are available at www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Training.
*Trainer certification is also offered directly following most Training. For more information or to sign up, contact your VitalSmarts representative or visit
www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Training

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