::VitalSmarts - Get Newsletter::

==========================================
CRUCIAL™ SKILLS REMINDER
October 5, 2005
Volume 3, Issue 39
==========================================

IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote of the Week
2. Tip of the Week
3. Crucial Applications: Revenge on the Vanishing Vacation
4. Author Q&A: Creating a Culture of Accountability
5. Send Your Stories, Comments, and Questions
6. Where Can I Learn More?

------------------------------------------
1. Quote of the Week
------------------------------------------

“The difficult part in an argument is not to defend one’s opinion, but rather to know it.”

– Andre Maurois

------------------------------------------
2. Tip of the Week
------------------------------------------

Talk Tentatively

When it comes to touchy subjects and potentially insulting stories, style rules. Learn to talk tentatively. In sharing difficult messages, avoid absolute statements such as “The fact is,” “As everyone knows,” and “It’s obvious that.” Such brutal and conclusive terms merely disguise your stories as facts. Instead, opt for terms such as “I’ve been wondering,” “It seems to me,” and “maybe.”

Ironically, not only does tentative language help put the right tone on your stories (which are little more than guesses), but softer terms are generally more credible as well. When you’re excited about something--maybe a new plan or a creative idea--tentative language can help. It’s easy to be so enthusiastic that you move from adding to the pool to trying to cheerlead your meaning into the pool. This can lead others to become defensive. There’s a certain irony here--the more forceful we are, the less influential we’re likely to be.

------------------------------------------
3. Crucial Applications: Revenge on the Vanishing Vacation
------------------------------------------

Summer vacation time is on its way out and the doldrums of winter are settling in. Have you taken your much-needed vacation yet? If not, you’re not alone. It seems corporate America is experiencing a vanishing vacation pandemic. In an effort to get ahead and secure finance and job security in a volatile economy, managers and employees are demonstrating an unconventional devotion to their jobs and sacrificing vacation with the family for time in the office.

Due to social pressures and economic conditions, people are afraid to speak up for their vacation privileges. According to a VitalSmarts Web survey, only half of survey respondents actually speak up and ask for support and permission to take a vacation. And, alarmingly, past research shows employees who harbor these kinds of concerns and feel unable to speak up about them eventually quit.

But it’s not too late to speak up now and get the time off you deserve. Joseph Grenny provides employees suffering from the vanishing vacation with a set of communication tips that will help you reclaim your vacation without relinquishing job security or allowing work to overtake your life.

1. Hold the right conversation: Don’t just talk about the time off you want, talk about what it truly means to take time off. If you are required to take the office with you in the form of e-mails and conference calls, you never truly leave the office.

2. Ask for what you really want: We tend to significantly understate the importance of our vacation, so who can blame a boss and other coworkers for giving a lukewarm response? If you fail to express your wants candidly, you are part of the problem.

3. Be inflexibly supportive: When asking for time off, be clear about what is negotiable and what is not. If the timing of your vacation is flexible, say so. But if the amount of uninterrupted time you want off is not, make that clear as well. This approach will not make employees appear belligerent if they clearly state they are willing to do all they can for the boss and the company short of compromising vacation goals.

4. Maintain boundaries: After getting agreement to your vacation plans, be prepared for niggling encroachments. At the first sign of infringement, go back to tip number one and hold the “right conversation.” Hold others accountable to the commitments they made, while being “inflexibly supportive” of their needs and concerns.

------------------------------------------
4. Author Q&A: Creating a Culture of Accountability
------------------------------------------

Dear Authors,

I manage a large staff of around seventy nurses. How do I begin to change the culture from no accountability to full accountability?

We are not speaking of the patient care aspects--the staff is outstanding in this area. I’m concerned about everything other than patient care: keeping the desk area free of clutter, returning mandatory education or memos on time, noting when some problem in the unit needs attention and either ignoring it or coming to me to "fix" everything, etc. I am getting worn out and need some help with this aspect.

Thank you,

Exhausted

-------------------------

Answer by Al Switzler, coauthor of "Crucial Conversations" and “Crucial Confrontations”

Dear Exhausted,

You are not alone! Thousands of managers and employees feel exactly the same way. Helping people deal with accountability is one of the main reasons we wrote “Crucial Confrontations.” Whether you work with seventy nurses or just one other person in a toll booth, you will have issues with accountability. Why? People are people and circumstances are complex. At some time, you will face a broken promise, a violated expectation, or bad behavior.

Before I answer your specific question, let me congratulate you. The core work--in your case, patient care--is going well. Other things are slipping--punctuality, paperwork, and work environment--but your challenge is not as severe as what many face (things like issues with quality or productivity where organizational survival is in question).

So to address your situation, I’ll focus first on what might be called the “non-core” gaps. A gap is the difference between what is expected and what is delivered. At the heart of your frustration and exhaustion, I imagine, is that you have been very clear about what is expected. What a clutter-free desk looks like has been clarified. Why it’s important has been articulated to the point of feeling like nagging. The same is true of the paperwork and due dates. But there is little compliance or performance. Then comes this loud, persistent, intense voice in your head that clamors, “Why can’t these people do something as simple as getting rid of the clutter? It’s clutter for heaven’s sake, not asbestos!” Sometimes this voice is so powerful that it slips out between your very own lips. For many people, this cycle occurs at home with such issues as a clean room, curfew, and toilet seats.

Given that, let me make a few suggestions.

1. Make sure that the expectation is clear and explain up front why it is important. Often, managers or parents tell others what is expected but they don’t take a minute to help them understand why it is important or essential. Unfortunately, the implied message is, “Because I said so!” or “Because I want it.” That’s not particularly motivating or empowering. Help the other person know what the positive consequences will be if he or she follows through, and what the natural negative consequences will be if he or she doesn’t. When you talk about potential negative consequences, what you want to do is help employees see how patients or families or colleagues or even the employees themselves will be affected. What you don’t want to do is talk about imposed consequences like “writing them up.” A few moments of helping others see the “what” and the “why” can help performance.

2. When assignments are given, even about something as simple as keeping a clear desk, make sure you are clear about who does what by when, and follow up. Often one of these aspects is not clear. Who will keep the desk uncluttered, what uncluttered looks like, when it should be done, and when you will check back should be very clear. If you leave one of these details out, the commitment or assignment is less effective.

3. Don’t oversimplify. Treat the issue like an ability issue rather that a motivation issue. If we assume that people don’t want to do something, we often try to motivate them with power and subtle or not-so-subtle threats. Even that raised eyebrow can carry many messages. If we treat the gap like an ability issue, we ask for ideas. People close to the problem, the process, and the opportunities very often have good ideas. So ask, “What could be done to make this easier?” If others have a good, workable idea, they are more likely to follow through on it. Also, they may suggest some bottlenecks, barriers, or complexities that you are unaware of. The outcome is that you have a better solution with increased commitment.

4. Look at the example that you and other leaders are setting. For example, consider the following situation in a home setting. A mother is consistently demanding that her daughter clean her room and her bathroom. Mom takes away television privileges until the room is clean. She grounds her daughter for the weekend until the room is clean. The daughter, in talking with her friends, wonders if her mother thinks she’s blind. Why, asks the daughter, doesn’t Mom have to clean her sink, her closet, or her bedroom? This seems like an obvious problem. And yet sometimes managers and leaders have a hard time seeing the example they are setting on issues like clutter, punctuality, paperwork, civility, communication, and even controlling costs. When accountability suffers, look to the leaders, including self.

In summary, when gaps persist, clarify what’s expected and why; make sure there’s agreement on who does what by when and follow up; ask for ideas; and look at the example that is being set.

Best wishes,

--------------------

For tips on how to deal with pattern problems and ability barriers, see Chapter 1 (Choose What and If) and Chapter 5 (Make It Easy) of the book “Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior.”

------------------------------------------
5. Send Your Stories, Questions, and Comments
------------------------------------------

The editors of the Crucial Skills Reminder welcome expressions of all views. “Before and After,” “Author Q&A,” and "Letters to the Editor" submissions may not exceed 300 words. All submissions will be edited for length, clarity, grammar, and taste and may be republished in any format. Submissions should be in plain text and not include attachments. All submissions must include the writer's e-mail address (for verification, not publication). We don't promise publication, and all submissions become the property of VitalSmarts, L.C.

Submit your stories, questions, and comments as follows:

Before and After
-----------------------
This monthly feature will share real experiences from readers who have used Crucial Skills to overcome issues that were keeping them from getting the results they wanted.

Please send your stories to beforeandafter@vitalsmarts.com. Please include "BEFORE AND AFTER" in the subject line of your e-mail.

Author Q&A
-----------------------
Submit your question to the authors of "Crucial Conversations" and “Crucial Confrontations” at
www.vitalsmarts.com/CrucialSkills/FreeStuff/AskAnAuthor/
Or e-mail it to questions@vitalsmarts.com.

We do our best to answer those questions that reflect the interests of our readers. For more about the authors of "Crucial Conversations," visit
http://www.vitalsmarts.com/CrucialSkills/Product/TheAuthors.aspx

Letters to the Editor
-----------------------
Send us your comments, reactions, and opinions on content in the Crucial Skills Reminder. We'll publish letters once a month for others to read.

Please send your letters to letters@vitalsmarts.com and include "LETTERS" in the subject line of your e-mail.

-------------------------------------------
6. Where Can I Learn More?
-------------------------------------------

Web Seminars
-------------------------
Join the authors of "Crucial Conversations" and “Crucial Confrontations in a free web seminar as follows:

Crucial Conversations

- October 11, 1:00-2:15 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview)
- November 1, 1:00-2:15 p.m. (Eastern) (Crucial Intervention for HealthCare)

Crucial Confrontations
- October 19, 1:00-2:15 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview)

For details about each Web Seminar and to register online, visit
www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Webinars

Open Enrollment Training
--------------------------
Crucial Skills Training offers intensive skills training in our principles and methods. For in-house training conducted by your staff or one of our professional facilitators, contact your VitalSmarts representative. Open enrollment courses are also available as follows:

Crucial Conversations:

- October 11-12, Phoenix, AZ*
- October 25-26, Arlington, VA*
- October 25-26, Atlanta, GA*
- November 1-2, Houston, TX*
- November 1-2, Independence (Cleveland), OH*
- November 8-9, San Francisco, CA*
- November 15-16, Bloomington/Minneapolis, MN*
- December 6-7, Irvine, CA*
- December 6-7, Chicago, IL*

Crucial Confrontations:

- October 18-19, Irvine, CA*
- November 8-9, Chicago, IL*
- December 6-7, Atlanta, GA*

Additional course dates are available at
www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Training

*Trainer certification is also offered directly following most Training. For more information or to sign up, contact your VitalSmarts representative or visit
www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=t

=================================================================

Questions, feedback, or information you would like to see? Send an e-mail to editor@vitalsmarts.com

You are receiving this newsletter because you expressed an interest in receiving updates from Crucial Conversations--either by signing up for the newsletter or by registering on the site and choosing to receive this reminder.

If we have sent this to you in error, or if you wish to remove your name from future communications, please click the link below:
http://www.vitalsmarts.com/unsubscribe.aspx?MSN=reminders

If you know someone who would like to be on our mailing list, have them visit www.crucialskills.com where they can sign up to receive information and access free resources.