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CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS(R) REMINDER
November 2, 2004
Volume 2, Issue 42
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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote of the Week
2. New Poll--“When Bad Relatives Happen to Good People”
3. Q&A: Micromanaging Revisited
4. Send Your Questions
5. Where Can I Learn More?

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1. Quote of the Week
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“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

- Dr. Joyce Brothers

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2. New Poll--“When Bad Relatives Happen to Good People”
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If you’ve ever had a holiday gathering ruined by the actions of a rude, scary, nutty, or bizarre family member, you’ll be interested in our newest poll. What event did they disrupt and just how badly?

Share your views in our short "When Bad Relatives Happen to Good People" poll found at http://www.vitalsmarts.com/poll/2. Those cranky, grumpy, and wacky relatives won’t know what to say next!

P.S. If you didn’t already, check out the results from our recent poll “Let’s Talk Politics--or Not?” at http://www.vitalsmarts.com/AboutUs/PressRoom/PressReleases.aspx#20041021 (click on “How to Talk Politics with Friends – And Still Have Some Left”).

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3. Q&A: Micromanaging Revisited
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Dear Crucial Conversations,

I read with interest the Q&A posted 9/8 (“Being Micromanaged”) and handled by Joseph Grenny.

I'd like to reverse the scenario and ask what should the manager who believes that his/her direct report is "wanting to have country club freedom and no accountability" do? As a manager, I resist micromanaging at all costs; it's not the way I want to be managed and it's not the way I want to manage. However, I may well be a manager who can be taken advantage of, and that doesn't feel particularly good. I'm in higher education where there is high value placed on collegiality. This translates most often into a great deal of autonomy at the expense of accountability. With one employee I recently approached this crucial conversation perhaps too delicately. How can managers find the proper balance with employees?

Thank you,

Dr. Delicate

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Answer by Al Switzler, coauthor of "Crucial Conversations."

Dear Dr. Delicate:

As I respond to your question, I want to extend it to other situations. I don’t think people want to micromanage or be micromanaged anywhere. Micromanagement is not desirable even in tense environments such as airport towers, nuclear power plants, or emergency rooms. It’s certainly not what people want at home with partners or with children. “Take out the garbage. Did you put in a new liner? Did you put the lid on the garbage can? Did you close the garage door?” All of this sounds like nagging. It certainly minimizes autonomy and initiative. And, as you noted, it minimized collegiality and other positive forms of relationships.

On the other hand, particularly in high-risk situations or where there is a track record of performance problems, managers or leaders don’t want to say, “I don’t want to micromanage, so I’ll just trust you to perform and get back to me when you find it convenient.”

So what can be done to hold people accountable without micromanaging? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Excellent performance begins with clear expectations. As you set expectations with individuals or groups, make sure you not only include what the desired results are, but also get agreement about how you will talk about issues or problems that come up. Talk about the process of accountability and about how you define management vs. micromanagement--from both sides.

It could sound something like this: “We’ve agreed that the proposal will be submitted for review to me by next Tuesday at noon. Can we talk for a few minutes about what each of us should do if we run into problems or barriers?” In this discussion, you can talk about what the other person will do to keep you informed in advance if there is the possibility of a delay, or if he or she needs additional input, or whatever. Also, you can get agreement about how you’ll check in with the person. The outcome of this conversation is that both of you should feel comfortable with and clear about the outcomes and the process you’ll use to ensure accountability. Ask specific questions such as: “Do you feel okay about the process?” and “Are you comfortable with our plan concerning accountability?” These questions give you opportunities to make sure that your intention is to get results and not to micromanage. To emphasize this point, you need agreements about how you hold others accountable. What is your comfort level about frequency and specificity? What is the other person’s comfort level? The balance comes from the dialogue you have up front.

2. Look at your story. Too often people tell themselves that if they confront someone, the person will see it as micromanaging. This can be a “Sucker’s Choice”: a choice where we see only two options--both of them bad. (e.g., “If I confront people, they’ll see it as being ‘on their case’; or I can not confront them and let the results suffer.”) In reality, there is often a third, better alternative: You can confront the issue of accountability AND not micromanage. So you mentally push yourself to find the AND. “How can I confront this issue so the results are achieved AND avoid having the other person think I’m micromanaging? In fact, how can I deal with performance issues AND strengthen our relationship?” Such questions, of course, help you to focus on what you really want for you, for the other person, and for the relationship. You don’t have to choose between performance and relationship...you can get both.

3. Describe the gap. If you need to discuss a performance issue, you can create the safety needed for a helpful discussion by describing the gap. Describe what you agreed on and then what you observed and how it differed from what you expected. The gap between these two is what you are going to talk about. If you can begin well, the rest is often easy. Make sure you start with facts, not emotions or conclusions. You begin with an observation, not an accusation. When you can do this well, you send a message that says, “I’ve noticed this and I’m interested in learning what happened--I have not pre-judged you or the issue.” Also, when you have an agreement upfront about how accountability discussions will be held, there are no surprises. With no surprises and lots of safety, holding talks about performance is not seen as micromanaging.

I hope these three points help. I also hope that you and others can see how they can be applied at a college, in manufacturing, other businesses, and at home.

Best wishes,

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For more on getting a performance discussion started, see Chapter 3 (Describe the Gap) of the book “Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior.”

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4. Send Your Questions
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Submit your question to the authors of "Crucial Conversations" at www.vitalsmarts.com/CrucialSkills/FreeStuff/AskAnAuthor/
Or e-mail it to questions@vitalsmarts.com.

We do our best to answer those questions that reflect the interests of our readers. For more about the authors of "Crucial Conversations," visit www.crucialskills.com.

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5. Where Can I Learn More?
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Web Seminars
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Join the authors of "Crucial Conversations" in a free web seminar as follows:

- Nov 18, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)
- Dec 08, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)

Special Author Events
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Don’t miss your opportunity to learn more about Crucial Confrontations by attending a special author event where one of the authors will teach you to handle crucial confrontations well and get the results you want.

For details about each author event and to register online, visit www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Introductory%20Workshop

Events now scheduled in the following cities

- November 5, San Diego, CA
- November 5, Columbus, OH
- November 16, Knoxville, TN
- November 16, Seattle, WA
- November 18, Irvine, CA
- November 19, Orlando, FL
- November 30, Toronto
- December 2, Highland Hills, OH
- December 7, Austin, TX
- January 13, San Antonio, TX
- January 19, Eugene, OR

Open Enrollment Training
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The Crucial Conversations Training offers intensive skills training in our principles and methods. For in-house training conducted by your staff or one of our professional facilitators, contact your VitalSmarts representative. Open enrollment courses are also available as follows:

- November 16-17, Fort Worth, TX*
- November 16-17, Salt Lake City, UT*
- November 16-17, Troy, MI*
- November 30-Dec.1, Greenwood Village, CO*
- November 30-Dec.1, Austin, TX*
- November 30-Dec.1, Palo Alto, CA*
- December 7-8, Irvine, CA*
- December 7-8, Chicago, IL*

Additional course dates for 2004 are available at www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Training.
*Trainer certification is also offered directly following most Training. For more information or to sign up, contact your VitalSmarts representative or visit
www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Training

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