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CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS(R) REMINDER
March 24, 2004
Volume 2, Issue 11
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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote of the Week
2. Q&A: Silently Suffering
3. About the Authors of “Crucial Conversations”
4. Health Care Webinar
5. Where Can I Learn More?

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1. Quote of the Week
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"The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice."

-Doug Larson

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2. Q&A: Silently Suffering
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Submit your question to the authors of “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High” at questions@vitalsmarts.com. We are unable to answer all questions but do our best to answer those that reflect the interests of our readers.

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Dear Crucial Conversations,

Work at the office has been piling up! Like a lot of companies in this economy, we are asked to take on more responsibility as a result of other people being laid off. I am now working over 60 hours a week, and I don't have time for my family. How can I communicate my situation to reduce my workload and not risk losing my job too? I fear that I will be perceived as "not a team player" or a "weak performer." How do I avoid the sucker’s choice?

Signed, Silently Suffering

Answer by Al Switzler, coauthor of “Crucial Conversations”

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Dear Suffering,

I often ask groups “What are some significant issues that you are dealing with poorly or avoiding altogether?” The number one response to this question is a resounding “I have too much on my plate, and I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding like I am whining or I’m not a team player.”

This problem has two parts--too much work and no way to bring the subject up. However, years of experience have taught me that if you don’t talk it out, you act it out. Your stress levels rise along with your blood pressure, you develop a bad view of those around you (including the so-called villains at the top), your sense of corporate loyalty decreases, you lose focus at home on personal matters, you have less time for exercise and personal development, and you become increasingly reliant on comfort foods, complaining, and other stress-relieving activities to make sense of your life.

Help yourself get through the clever stories that you may be using to justify your own silence or violence by asking the following questions:

- “Am I pretending not to notice my role in this situation?” The role that most people don’t admit to is being passive or silent. Not speaking up is part of the problem. It is a huge problem. So whatever stories you’re telling yourself about why you can’t speak up need to be examined closely.

- “Why would reasonable, rational, decent human beings do this?” Clever, pervasive stories about all management not listening or only being in it for the dollar may have some truth as applied to some individuals. These stories are almost never accurate when applied to management in general. In fact, most managers want to hear what will help the organization in terms of quality, cost, customer satisfaction, and employee satisfaction.

- “What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?” What you want is a good thing--work/life balance. You care a lot about productivity, quality, being a team player, and so on. And you care about you personal well-being as well as your family. Prepare now, and then speak up.

Finally, prepare what you’ll do and say to “Make It Safe.” Get an appointment in a setting that is private. Create and practice a permission statement with contrasting, such as “I’d like to talk about an issue that deals with productivity and satisfaction. What I don’t want is this conversation to be seen only as my issue. I’d like to talk about ways that we can discuss resources, job stress, and work/life balance, by looking at it from a company perspective and the employee perspective. Would that be okay?”

Create and practice STATE-ing your path. Lead with the facts--with observations. “During the last three months, since the restructuring, I’m working 60 hours a week, and I’m feeling my work/life balance is stressed. I also feel like it’s hard to talk about without seeming like I’m not a team player. I’m wondering how you see this issue.”

Find a friend or colleague and really practice. The scripts I’ve suggested may be way off target for your challenges. After you’ve prepared, find a friend and practice. He or she can make suggestions for improvements. He or she can react in various ways and you can practice your responses. With a little practice, you’ll be more able and confident to step up to this crucial conversation.

And remember, when you do step up, if it gets too tense or emotional, keep the conditions safe by saying something such as “I didn’t want this to get emotional. I took a risk to bring up a tough topic. I was trying to find ways to deal with a problem that is bigger than me and it’s not going well. I’d like to stop here and think some more about it. Would that be okay?” You can always repeat your purpose and ask for a delay. “Delaying” isn’t “avoiding” if you think about, prepare some more, and make another attempt. Avoiding and withdrawing occur when you give up and let silence win.

So go get ‘em. And best wishes.

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Submit your question to the authors of “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High” at questions@vitalsmarts.com.

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3. About the Authors of “Crucial Conversations”
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"Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High" was coauthored by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler--all leadership and organization effectiveness gurus. Each embodies high energy, humor, a personable teaching style, and a wide range of business expertise. These qualities make them highly sought after as consultants and speakers at conferences and executive retreats.

About Al Switzler
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Al Switzler has served as president of two consulting firms, vice president of marketing for an information firm, and director of training and management development for a health care organization with over 11,000 employees. Over 250 public and private organizations have profited from his broad knowledge of leadership, teamwork, quality, communication, management, marketing, motivation, and personal achievement. Clients include Westcorp, Ford Motor Company, the U.S. Department of Energy, and OG&E Electric Services.

To book Al for a speaking engagement, contact your VitalSmarts representative.

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4. Health Care Webinar
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Joseph Grenny, coauthor of the The New York Times bestseller “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High,” will be conducting a free, one-hour Webinar (conference call with online slide show) for health care professionals on April 5th at 1:00 p.m. Eastern Time (12 Noon Central, 11 a.m. Mountain, and 10 a.m. Pacific Time).

As you grow familiar with “Crucial Conversations,” you will see how these skills can save lives, drive change, and improve patient care and organizational effectiveness. Crucial Conversations training can help you:

- Recognize when conversations are truly crucial and when you need to use specific skills
- Reduce costly medical errors and improve patient safety
- Increase the reliability of communication among caregivers
- Improve physician/staff relations (learn how to speak up as well as build relationships)
- Help patients feel safe about asking for critical information
- Retain key employees
- Improve patient care and satisfaction

Registration is fast and easy. We encourage you to invite your colleagues and leadership to participate on the call as well. Register by visiting http://www.crucialconversations.com/Webinars/HCWebinar.aspx.

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5. Where Can I Learn More?
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We provide a variety of resources to help you learn how to step up to crucial conversations and hold them well. To take advantage of free resources, contact your VitalSmarts representative or visit www.crucialconversations.com. In addition, you'll want to learn more about these events:

Webinars
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Join the authors of “Crucial Conversations” in a free online seminar (Webinar) as follows:

- April 5, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (for Health Care Professionals)
- April 13, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)
- April 20, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (for members of American Association of Critical Care Nurses/AACN)
- May 13, 3-4 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)

Register today by contacting your VitalSmarts representative or visiting www.crucialconversations.com/TrainingResources/Services/ConferenceCall.asp

Mastery Course Training
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The Crucial Conversations Mastery Course offers intensive skills training in our principles and methods. For in-house training conducted by your staff or one of our professional facilitators, contact your VitalSmarts representative. Open enrollment courses are also available as follows:

- April 13-14, Columbus, OH*
- April 20-21, Washington, D.C.*
- May 4-5, Denver, CO*
- May 18-19, Salt Lake City, UT*
- June 8-9, Raleigh-Durham, NC*
- June 22-23, Chicago, IL*
- July 20-21, Detroit, MI*

*Trainer certification is also offered directly following most Mastery Courses. For more information or to sign up, contact your VitalSmarts representative or visit www.crucialconversations.com/TrainingResources/Services/PublicTraining.asp.

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