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CRUCIAL™ SKILLS REMINDER
January 05, 2005
Volume 3, Issue 1
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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote of the Week
2. FREE Crucial Conversations Web Seminar
3. Q&A: Workplace Violence
4. Send Your Questions
5. Where Can I Learn More?

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1. Quote of the Week
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“A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.”

- Kenneth A. Wells

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2. FREE Crucial Conversations Web Seminar
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Be our guest at a FREE Crucial Conversations Web Seminar January 6, 2005 at 1:00 p.m. (ET). This fun and information-packed presentation lasts fifty minutes and is followed by a live ten-minute question-and-answer session with one of the coauthors the New York Times bestseller “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.” To register, simply visit www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/Registration.aspx?cxid=CC1Web010605

Take this opportunity to learn the skills that are helping individuals, teams, and organizations achieve breakthrough results!

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3. Q&A: Workplace Violence
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Dear authors,

What do you recommend as a first step when an irate employee comes into a supervisor/manager's office and begins to shout out a complaint and demand immediate action?

Signed,

Under Attack

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Answer by Al Switzler, coauthor of "Crucial Conversations."

Dear Under Attack:

When I was asked if I’d be willing to answer a new question that had come in, I remember thinking, “I hope it’s something like the following:”

- I have a colleague who splits infinitives. How can I deal with this?

- Last week I asked my son to study ten hours and he only studied nine. How can I hold him accountable?

- My computer is eight months old and I need a new one. How can I get my boss to support my work needs?

But no luck. I get to answer this tough one. A serious one indeed.

When we do our training sessions, we show videos where a colleague, boss, or family member flies off the handle. Some participants say, “That’s way over the top. That would never happen here.” And we can understand that. Other participants, however, raise their hands and with energy say, “Oh, I’ve seen much worse.” I bring this up to suggest that many people do face situations like the one represented in the question.

So here is a response as first steps:

1. First, make sure you are safe. This means physically safe. There are too many incidents of workplace attacks in the news. How do you ensure your safety? Immediately make sure that there are other people visible. Make sure your door is open. Step into the hall to be close or visible to other people. You can often sense in the situation how much your physical safety is risk, but not always. Don’t take any chances.

2. Instead of jumping in to resolve the concern and running the risk of escalating the situation, address the other person’s emotions directly: “I can see this is a serious matter to you. When you talk that loudly, it becomes uncomfortable for both of us. I’d appreciate it if you could lower your voice. I want to listen to you and understand what you want, but I want it to be safer for both of us. Can we take a two-minute break?” This gives you both a chance to calm down and prepare for a more productive conversation. It also gives you the opportunity to make sure the situation is safe--to open the door, get someone’s attention, etc.

3. Find out what is making the situation so “unsafe” for the other person that he or she is shouting. If you explore others’ reasons, you might be able to help understand the data that’s driving their story and fueling their emotions. Once you understand their stories and their data, you’ll know where to begin in resolving their concerns.

4. If these kinds of behaviors are a pattern for the other person, you can not only mention that (“This is the third time you’ve come in upset and shouting. Please calm down”), you can also get an agreement about what is acceptable behavior the next time he or she has an issue to bring up. Clarifying this expectation and coaching the person will help him or her understand what behavior is unacceptable and what he or she should do instead.

I think it’s fair to talk about and then move toward progressive discipline if this kind of behavior is not eliminated.

In summary, make sure you are safe, make sure the other person knows you want it to be safe for both of you, and then deal with the issues that the person is bringing to your attention. Finally, and importantly, deal with his or her behavior and what needs to improve.

Best wishes,

Al Switzler

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For more information on making it safe and exploring the causes behind others reactions, read chapter 5 (Make It Safe) and Chapter 8 (Explore Others’ Paths) of the book "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.”

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4. Send Your Questions
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Submit your question to the authors of "Crucial Conversations" at www.vitalsmarts.com/CrucialSkills/FreeStuff/AskAnAuthor/
Or e-mail it to questions@vitalsmarts.com.

We do our best to answer those questions that reflect the interests of our readers. For more about the authors of "Crucial Conversations," visit www.crucialskills.com.

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5. Where Can I Learn More?
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Special Author Events
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Don't miss your opportunity to learn more about “Crucial Confrontations” by attending a special author event where one of the authors will teach you to handle crucial confrontations well and get the results you want.

For details about each author event and to register online, visit www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Introductory%20Workshop

Events now scheduled in the following cities

- January 13, San Antonio, TX
- January 19, Eugene, OR
- March 11, Walnut, CA

Open Enrollment Training
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The Crucial Conversations Training offers intensive skills training in our principles and methods. For in-house training conducted by your staff or one of our professional facilitators, contact your VitalSmarts representative. Open enrollment courses are also available as follows:

- January 18-19, Raleigh Research Triangle Park, NC*
- January 26-27, Baltimore, MD
- February 1-2, Salt Lake City, UT*
- February 8-9, Chicago, IL*
- February 8-9, SF Bay Area, CA*
- February 15-16, Greenwood Village, CO*
- February 22-23, Arlington, VA*
- March 1-2, Seattle, WA*
- March 8-9, Southfield, MI*
- March 15-16, Columbus, OH*

Additional course dates are available at www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=Training
*Trainer certification is also offered directly following most Training. For more information or to sign up, contact your VitalSmarts representative or visit
www.vitalsmarts.com/Events/?s=All&c=t

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