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CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS(R) REMINDER
August 25, 2004
Volume 2, Issue 33
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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote of the Week
2. We Want Your Stories!
3. Q&A: Looking for a Promotion
4. Send Your Questions
5. Where Can I Learn More?

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1. Quote of the Week
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"The degree of one's emotions varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts."

- Bertrand Russell

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2. We Want Your Stories!
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Have crucial skills worked for you? Tell us your story in 200 words or less. We’re gathering stories from Crucial Conversations readers and want to publish yours. Winning entries will appear on our website and will receive a free copy of our soon-to-be-published book “Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior.”

Got writer’s block? Consider a before-and-after approach. Have crucial skills made a difference at work, at home, in an important relationship, with your children, or with aging parents?

Guidelines: Make sure you write your story in a way that protects confidences, and send no more than 200 words. Be sure to include your name, location, and e-mail address so that we can contact you for your final approval before publishing the story. We will be accepting e-mailed entries only. All entries will be considered the property of VitalSmarts--but no entries will be published without your final permission.

Send your Crucial Skills story to editor@vitalsmarts.com.

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3. Q&A: Looking for a Promotion
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Dear Crucial Conversations,

I'm a cofounder of a company that recently brought in a new CEO, who I don't know well. I want to talk to the CEO about taking an executive role in the company and obtaining his mentorship. My problem is that I feel very strongly about this position and my contribution, and tend to get emotional about it. I know I've made a very significant contribution to the company's growth, but I'm also fundamentally insecure about my skills. I also don't have the resume that investors are looking for. The new CEO is a very level-headed personality who doesn't get emotional about anything, and I don't want to lose credibility with him as I negotiate my role in this growing company. Can you give me some pointers for preparing for this conversation?

Signed,

Looking for a promotion

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Answer by Ron McMillan, coauthor of "Crucial Conversations."

Dear Looking for a Promotion,

Of course you get emotional about your role in the company you cofounded! This company is your brainchild; you’ve invested your blood, sweat, and tears. Any conversation about your role going forward is high stakes indeed. And our own strong emotions are often the biggest barrier to effectively influencing others. As you take stock of the company’s needs and of the skills you need in order to fulfill an executive role, you are wise to seek the new CEO’s mentorship. So, how do you have the crucial conversation with the CEO about taking on an executive role?

1- Start with heart. As you contemplate having this conversation, ask yourself, “What do I really want? For myself? For the new CEO? For the company?” Of course you want the company to be successful. You also want to support the CEO and help him succeed. In addition, you want to occupy an executive position and be effective in that role. Keep in mind that you are not a beggar or a thief. You are not asking for a position you do not deserve, nor are you expecting a role that benefits you and hurts the company. You want to add value and make a meaningful contribution. These are good motives--helpful motives. As you focus on these thoughts, your brain will be in gear and your emotions will dissipate.

2- Create mutual purpose. An important beginning to this crucial conversation is to help the CEO understand your intentions--your motives. You might want to say something like: “I want to talk with you about my role in the company. I am absolutely committed to making the company succeed. I also want to do everything within my power to help you be successful in your new role as CEO.” Such a strong declaration will do a lot to make it safe for the CEO to discuss the topic with you openly.

3- Next, share your meaning. As with brining up any sensitive topic, I would encourage you to share the facts. Help your CEO understand your history with the company and the many contributions you’ve made. There’s no need to feel embarrassed or shy. You are not bragging or “tooting your own horn,” you are giving the CEO important information he needs to make decisions about how to best utilize your abilities. Then tell your story by sharing with the CEO your honest evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses. Our tendency is to ‘spin’ our histories by embellishing our strengths and understating our weaknesses. I once worked with a colleague who was always trying to ‘sell’ me. When advocating his point of view, he emphasized the reasons to do what he wanted, and left unmentioned the downside. I grew to discount his statements and distrust his motives. You do not want to do this. Identify where you see yourself as the most capable and where you need more development. This kind of honesty, openness, and insight will help your CEO appreciate the kind of person you are and trust your candor. Next, make your proposal. Explain the position you want to fill and its responsibilities. Ask that the CEO mentor you and help you strengthen the areas you’ve identified for improvement.

4- Finally, Ask for the CEO’s input. You’ve put a lot of meaning in the pool, now is the time to get his. Ask questions and listen. How does he see the situation? How would he see the fit between you and the executive position?

This appeal will not necessarily guarantee that you end up with the position you desire. This approach will, however, increase the likelihood that your emotions will not get in the way and there will be greater mutual understanding.

Good luck!

Ron

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To learn more about focusing on what you really want and about overcoming strong emotions in a conversation, see Chapter 3 (Start with Heart) and Chapter 6 (Master My Stories)in the book “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High."

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4. Send Your Questions
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Send a question to the authors of "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High" at questions@vitalsmarts.com. We do our best to answer those questions that reflect the interests of our readers. For more about the authors of "Crucial Conversations," visit www.crucialconversations.com.

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5. Where Can I Learn More?
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Web Seminars
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Join the authors of "Crucial Conversations" in a free web seminar as follows:

- Aug 26, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (NEW! Overview of Crucial Confrontations)
- Sept 7, 1-2 p.m. (Eastern) (general overview of Crucial Conversations)

Register today by contacting your VitalSmarts representative or visiting www.crucialconversations.com/TrainingResources/Services/ConferenceCall.asp

Mastery Course Training
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The Crucial Conversations Mastery Course offers intensive skills training in our principles and methods. For in-house training conducted by your staff or one of our professional facilitators, contact your VitalSmarts representative. Open enrollment courses are also available as follows:

- September 14-15, Salt Lake City, UT*
- September 21-22, Dallas, TX*
- October 19-20, Knoxville, TN*
- October 19-20, Washington, D.C.*
- October 26-27, Columbus, OH*

Additional course dates for 2004 are available at www.crucialconversations.com.

*Trainer certification is also offered directly following most Mastery Courses. For more information or to sign up, contact your VitalSmarts representative or visit www.crucialconversations.com/TrainingResources/Services/PublicTraining.asp.

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